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Which “Stand by Me” character were you?

“I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was twelve. Jesus, does anyone?”

That’s the last line from the movie,Stand By Me, which starred the late River Phoenix and pre-Star Trek/Big Bang Theory’s Will Wheaton. A copywriter friend and I were discussing that last line and how friendships can take a turn after you become teenagers and start hanging out with people with whom you have more in common than what class you are in or where you live.

We both agreed we were more like the Will Wheaton character. He played the writer who, following the death of one of his boyhood friends, reminisces about an adventure he and his crew had in retrieving a dead body on the outskirts of town. While none of my friends resembled the River Phoenix’ character, Chris, my friend said one of his buddies did.

The friend was still very much alive, though he’d recently been dealt a setback—cancer. Yet as my copywriter friend talked about his boyhood friend, the similarities were astounding. His friend was a protector of the weak. He’d stand up to bullies who picked on friends. Neighborhood legend has it he once got in the middle of a shouting match between an inebriated husband and his wife. Again, protecting those who could protect themselves.

In Stand by Me, the River Phoenix character, as an adult, was stabbed breaking up a fight. My friend said he remembered his buddy being involved in a fight against somebody with a knife—actually two people. He fared a little better than the River Phoenix character, knocking the knife to the ground and delivering a pretty healthy beating.

“What about the other characters from the movie? Did you guys have anybody like that in your crew?” I asked.

My friend said he and his buddy used to hang out with his younger cousins.  They didn’t have their cousin’s courage, but made up for it in loyalty—just like the characters in the movie.

“So what other types of adventures did you guys have? Any dead bodies?”

My friend responded no. Mostly just fun hanging out and doing the things kids did when you were that age: street hockey, skating on frozen ponds, sledding, pick-up wiffle ball games, playing catch with the Frisbee in the front yard.

“Sounds nice,” I say.

“It was,” he said.

As the conversation started to lag, I asked how his friend was doing now.

“Don’t really know. Haven’t seen him in a while. Like I said, we kind of stopped hanging out after a while during school and we lost track over the years. But I’ll tell you one thing. Cancer picked the wrong guy.”

The look in my friend’s eyes when he said that sent a bit of a chill down my spine. But I could see the devotion not of a middle-aged man, but of a 12-year-old boy whose buddy had been delivered a pretty significant blow. It was the look of somebody a little scared but confident that the boy he viewed as a hero would whip cancer the way he stood up to neighborhood bullies.

It made me think of my own friends from childhood and how true that line from Stand By Me was. And it’s yet another reason why on August 2, I’ll be riding a bicycle from Wellesley to Bourne to raise $3200 or more for the Jimmy Fund/Dana Farber as part of the Pan Mass Challenge.

If you like to remember a friend you lost to cancer, there are few better ways than donation to a Pan Mass Challenge rider. One hundred percent of your donation will go to the Jimmy Fund/Dana Farber. That’s right, 100 percent. Make your donation today.

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The card lady

Barbara Schmitz, the Card Lady

My mother recently made a donation to my Pan Mass Challenge ride. Since she and Dad had already made a very generous donation, I asked why.  She said it was in honor of her recently deceased classmate, Barbara Schmitz of Jefferson City, Missouri.

Barbara passed away on May 8, 2014, another beautiful soul claimed by cancer.

Her obituary was a touching tribute to her life, her devotion to God, family and friends. Yet one thing jumped out at me. Barbara was affectionately known as The Card Lady.

Without knowing her or having it explained, I knew exactly what that meant. She was the type of person who never missed the opportunity to send a card to cheer a friend or family up. I’m guessing the Card Lady never missed sending a birthday card either.

I think every family has or should have a card person. We have one in our family. Aunt Peggy. At our house, your birthday celebration can’t begin until you receive your card from Aunt Peggy. There’s no money, gift card or anything of monetary value in the card. Just love. It’s always on time and it’s priceless.

Aunt Peggy lost both her husband and son to cancer.

Card ladies (gentlemen) are some of the sweetest, most beautiful people the Creator put on this earth.

Cancer doesn’t care.

If there’s somebody you lost to this insidious disease, there are few better ways to honor them than a donation to Pan Mass Challenge. One hundred percent of donations generated by riders go to Dana Farber/Jimmy Fund. That’s right, 100 percent!

Card ladies cannot be replaced. Yet their spirit inspires others to carry on that tradition.

We’re lucky in my family. My nephew is engaged to a girl who has that spirit, that caring. Though not officially in the family, she never misses a birthday. No one will ever replace my mother’s friend Barbara or Aunt Peggy (and we pray that’s a long time down the road). But life is so much nicer with a Card Lady in it.

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Cancer steals more than life

My grandfather died of cancer of the larynx in 1953, 11 years before I was born. My father was 17 at the time. His mother died five years before that.

Cancer robbed me of more than a grandparent. It robbed me of my family history.

What my father went through as a teenager I simply cannot fathom. He survived it, and thrived, graduating from Brown University and starting a career as an engineer. When we moved to Massachusetts, we were fairly close to his relatives in Rhode Island. Yet since my father was an only child, we never quite knew how we were related to anybody.

Understandably, Dad’s defense mechanism as a teenager and young man was not to dwell on what he could not control. His parents were gone. He moved on and built his own life. Yet talking about his own life and family, particularly those he left back in Italy, did not come easy. In fact, unless you asked him, he really didn’t talk about it.

It wasn’t until years later, when he had grandchildren in grade school, that he began to talk and volunteer information about our family history. Thank goodness for all those teachers who assigned their students the task of interviewing somebody from another country. So, now I know a little more, but the writer in me would have loved to have known so much sooner.

Cancer stole a grandfather from me that I never knew. Yet it stole from my father his youth. And for me, it delayed me learning about the incredible family I come from.

I’m riding in the Pan Mass Challenge for all the grandsons and granddaughters who never got to meet their grandparents. That could have been my daughter. It was years before she was born that Dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer. Yet because of advances and technology and regular examinations on his part, the cancer was removed without radiation. My daughter has met and knows her grandfather and she knows his story. At 8 and with Dad still going strong, it’s safe to say she will remember him for the rest of her life.

Children deserve to know their grandparents. If you agree, please help me help that happen by donating to the Pan Mass Challenge. 100 percent of rider donations go to the Dana Farber/Jimmy Fund. You can make a difference.